The Piddler  

A Famous Dog once came to town,
His Christian name was Pete,
His pedigree was two yards long
And his looks were hard to beat
As he trotted down the road
It was beautiful to see
His work on every corner,
His work on every tree.

He watered every gateway,
He never missed a post,
For piddling was his masterpiece,
And piddling was his boast.
The city dogs stood looking on
With deep and jealous rage,
To see a simple country dog,
The piddler of the age.

Then all the dogs from far and wide
Were summoned with a yell
To sniff the country stranger,
And judge him by his smell.
They sniffed beneath his skimpy tail,
Their praise of him ran high,
But when one sniffed him underneath
He piddled in his eye!

They smelt him over one by one
And smelt him two by two,
But noble Pete in high disdain
Stood still till they were through.
Then just to show the city dogs
He didn't give a damn,
He walked into a grocer's shop
And piddled on the ham.

He piddled on the onions,
And piddled on the floor,
And when the grocer pitched him out
He piddled 'gainst the door.
Behind him all the city dogs
Decided what they'd do
They'd start a piddling carnival,
And see the stranger through.

They showed him all the piddling posts
They knew around the town,
And started off with many winks
To wear the stranger down.
They called in champion piddlers,
Who were always on the go,
And often held A piddling match
Or gave a piddling show.

They sprang them on him suddenly,
When halfway through the town.
But Pete just piddled on and on
And wore the champions down.
For Pete was with them all the way
With vigor and with vim.
A thousand piddles more a day
Were all the same to him.

And so he piddled merrily,
His hind legs kicking tittle
When most were lifting legs in bluff,
And piddling mighty little.
On and on Pete sought new ground
On which to lay the dust,
Till every other dog went dry,
And gave up in disgust.

But on and on went noble Pete
To water every sandhill,
Till all the city champions
Were watered to a standstill.
Then Pete an exhibition gave,
Of all the ways to piddle:
With double squirts or shivering leg,
And fancy flips and dribbles.

And all the time the city dogs
Did no more wink or grin -
Pete piddled blithely out of town,
As he had piddled in.
The city dogs said 'So long, friend,
Your piddling did defeat us.'
But no one ever put them wise
That Pete had diabetes!

-- Anonymous --

Updated October 2000
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