- Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend
to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat
food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
-
Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line,
unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
-
Law of Cat Magnetism - All blue blazers and black sweaters
attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
-
Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a
cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
- Law of Cat Stretching - A cat will stretch to a distance
proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
- Law of Cat Sleeping - All cats must sleep with people
whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
-
Law of Cat Elongation - A cat can make her body long enough
to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
-
Law of Cat Acceleration - A cat will accelerate at a constant
rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
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Law of Dinner Table Attendance - Cats must attend all meals
when anything good is served.
-
Law of Rug Configuration - No rug may remain in its naturally
flat state for very long.
-
Law of Obedience Resistance - A cat's resistance varies in
proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
-
First Law of Energy Conservation - Cats know that energy can
neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
-
Second Law of Energy Conservation - Cats also know that
energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
-
Law of Refrigerator Observation - If a cat watches a
refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
- Law of Electric Blanket Attraction - Turn on an electric
blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
-
Law of Random Comfort Seeking - A cat will always seek, and
usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
-
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy - All bags and boxes in a given
room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
-
Law of Cat Embarrassment - A cat's irritation rises in direct
proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
-
Law of Milk Consumption - A cat will drink his weight in
milk, squared, just to show you he can.
-
Law of Furniture Replacement - A cat's desire to scratch
furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
-
Law of Cat Landing - A cat will always land in the softest
place possible.
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Law of Fluid Displacement - A cat immersed in milk will
displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
-
Law of Cat Disinterest - A cat's interest level will vary in
inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
-
Law of Pill Rejection - Any pill given to a cat has the
potential energy to reach escape velocity.
-
Law of Cat Composition - A cat is composed of Matter +
Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
Updated October 2000
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